I'm here!!!

Before you write me off as another one of those bloggers that just fades away, I do have some pretty good excuses.


 Reason #1 being that my iMac (which happens to be on right now) has pretty much died. Every once in a while I can get it to turn on and today I just happened to be in luck. I do have an iPad but blogging on that never seems to be fun. So without a computer at home during the day I have been very limited and not blogging. Jeremiah does have a laptop but he takes it to work and by the time he gets home I am too pooped to blog.

Reason #2, I am 27 weeks pregnant!!! I feel so bad because I haven't even blogged one word about our sweet bundle of joy that will be here around June 15th. So to mock the real announcements of Eli's pregnancy on this blog, here are some mini posts within this big post...

We're EXPECTING Baby #2 in June!!! 

The pregnancy was planned although it happened much faster than expected.  Jeremiah and all of his 5 siblings are 20-22 months apart and he wanted our children to be the same so we tried, and BAM we got PREGNANT!  Eli and this little one will be 21 months apart so while I expect to have my hands full for a while, we are hoping they will get along great.

About the gender...

Of course we went early to find out what we were having, just like with Eli and we found out in December that we are having a baby girl.  In January it was confirmed by Sharp Rees-Stealy and we got this cute profile shot of our little girl to be.

We decided to name her, 

Logo Design by FlamingText.com

Which we love...Jeremiah came up with the first name and Ruth is my twin sisters as well as my paternal grandmothers name.

And here I am 27 weeks pregnant...

I have lots more to share, emotions, excitement, nursery ideas, etc but that is the quick catch up.

Reason #3, I have been watching my sweet nephew since October and with 2 little boys to manage I never have a free moment to sit down let alone blog about life's happenings.  Eli is really enjoying having Preston here on a daily basis and it has been good for him to learn about sharing with littler ones.

So for now, that is the catch up.  I am here, I am well and life is GOOD.

Oh and here is a pic of me with my little love bug...
 
 He is getting so big and I have so much to share about him because he is so full of life and energy and kisses all the time.  Till then...

Pregant Sister

I took some quick photos of my very pregnant sister and my brother in law earlier this week and today she is in the hospital in Labor!!!  Can't wait to meet Preston Ray Kadolph!!!

Birth Story, part 4

I realize that this story is taking a long time but I promise that I am wrapping it up; I figure, 4 days of labor, 4 days of posts.

So there I was laying in the operating room scared, tired and anxious but mostly excited to finally be at the end where I was going to meet my very first baby.  After I was prepped, Jeremiah came in and they got started.  We were in there for maybe 10 minutes when all of a sudden I heard them say, it's a BOY and then he started crying...and then I started crying.  I was so excited to see him but since he had meconium in his water and they need to suction his throat and clean him up I had to wait.  It seemed like an eternity but then they brought him around I got my first look at my baby and I was so IN LOVE.  I was really drowsy from all the meds and from not sleeping for so long so I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open long enough to see the little guy but as soon as I did, I was wide awake and just wanted to hold him.  Of course my arms were strapped down so I couldn't so all I could do was kiss him as Jeremiah held him next to my face and give him little Eskimo kisses but still I was totally in LOVE.  I did however think to myself, "wow that's a chubby swollen face" but he was still so beautiful.  Jeremiah kept saying how he thought he looked like my dad, which I didn't and still don't see, but I was so amazed at all his hair when they took his hat off.  I had been imagining for 9 months (well maybe longer) what he would look like and while he didn't look like I had imagined, for some reason I thought he would have light hair, I immediately recognized him like I had known him all my life.  Even now, 6 weeks later, when I look at him I feel as if he has always been a part of me and I have dreamt about him or I have seen him before.  To me he is the most beautiful thing, person, being that I have ever seen and I feel like I have always had him and he was always meant to be mine.

There he was, Mr. Eli Buster Gonzalez, the newest member of our world born at 9:03 AM on September 24, 2011...our ADVENTURE of parenthood had begun.

After about an hour and a half they were finally done stiching me back up and putting me back together, Jeremiah said it looked like a bomb had gone off inside me, we finally got wheeled out and I FINALLY got to hold my little Eli.

We were wheeled into recovery and then everyone got to meet him and we said good bye to our duellas.

 Jeremiah saying good bye to our duellas.

 Eli meets Nani and Papi.

 Aunt Jessica and Uncle Josh.

 A proud Papa

 Baby Buster meets Grandpa Buster.

Nana says hi to the sweet baby.

 BFF Rachel with Baby Eli

Big Nana and Big Tata meet their newest great-grand child.

Well that is the whole birth story of our Eil Buster, four parts later seems like a lot but I wanted to make sure I recorded it all.  He is such a wonderful blessing and perfect addition to our lives and nothing could make us happier than having him here with us happy and healthy, no matter how much drama it took to get him here.

Birth Story, part 3

Well there I was finally giving myself permission to "give up" (as I saw it) and get some rest.  After crying to Jeremiah and crying for my sister, no one actually saw this but Jeremiah but when the time came for me to make my decision, I had this overwhelming need to talk to my sister about it and have her tell me that it was okay. (P.S.  she was in Germany and Spain this entire time)  It is funny to look back on it now but I really wanted to talk to someone, other than/in addition too Jeremiah that would tell me everything would be alright and that it was "ok" and that person was my twin sister.  Again, in the end it was me who needed to say that it was ok but I felt this need to get approval from someone else.  It was around 8 or 9 in the evening and just as I was telling the staff that I DID in fact want the epidural now, our 2 duellas arrived to help out.  At first I thought that it would be totally un-necessary to have them there since I was indeed about to have the epidural so what would I need them for, but they really proved to be very helpful and one of the best parts of our experience.

So Mr. Anesthesiologist came in, epidural inserted, rest and relaxation started...so I thought.  After I was able to rest for a while, we said good bye to our wonderful supporters for another night and told them we would call if anything happened.  The nurses and mid-wife wanted me to get some rest so lights out and off to la-la land we went.  Once again, I was just to anxious to be getting closer to meeting our little guy so I would doze off for a minute or two here and there but I never got much sleep.  Plus, there were constant doctors and nurses coming in and out to check on me so sleep never really got accomplished but Jeremiah got a nice nap which I was happy to see.

Over all the epidural made me feel "icky", my legs felt like they blew up 2,000 times and the medicine kept shifting from side to side.  But, it was a relief from the contractions.

Around 3 AM, I was "checked" to see if I had made any progress and I was at a 7 so back to resting we went.  Then around 5AM I was "checked again and I was still at a 7, that's when decisions had to be made.  The mid-wife, who was actually a man, told us that we were now approaching 48 hours after my water had been broken, there was meconium in the water, the babies head was "molding", my cervix was getting swollen and his head was basically stuck so it was time for a C-Section.  Dun Dun Dun! 

Well being the tired and overwhelmed new mother that I was, I started crying because to me a c-section was bad and it was so opposite of how I had envisioned this entire process going but I had to take a breath, talk with Jeremiah and realize that it was what was best for Eli and it was time to get the little guy out.  Back on the phones Jeremiah went to call everyone back and shortly after that everyone arrived for the BIG DAY...it was FINALLY happening.  SO back came my parents, Jeremiah's parents, my bestie Rachel and my brother and sister-in-law Josh and Jessica.  (My brother was in LA so he called to tell me he was on his way down and my sister was in Germany getting updates here and there when she could).  Here are some wonderful pictures my brother in law Josh took of that morning, there is video footage too but I dont have that.

 Me with the duellas

 My parents talking to me before I go in

 Jeremiah getting ready for the big event.

 Waiting...

Rachel and Jessica giving a "thumbs up...meaning, Good luck?  Good job?"  Not sure but I was so happy to have them there. 

Shortly after this I was wheeled away and taken to the operating room and was ready to meet Eli.

These are getting long and I am getting tired so I didn't edit this one.  Sorry.

Birth Story, part 2

So there we were at UCSD Hospital on the 4th floor in the "Birthing Center"...

side note:  my original birth plan was to go ALL natural in the Birthing Center at UCSD hospital in Hillcrest.  Jeremiah and I had go to a presentation and loved the entire idea of being in an environment where all natural was welcomed and the philosophy of using drugs and medical interventions was not pushed on you like in the labor and delivery unit.  They use tubs and showers and massage to ensure a natural experience.  I had meant to do a whole post on my birth plan before Eli was born but never got around to it.  Basically I envisioned a calm and peaceful environment with no interventions and an easy delivery....ha ha ha.

Ok so I was admitted to the hospital, given a room and my mom called Jeremiah to tell him to "come on down" we were gonna have a baby.  Long story short, I got lots of excited visitors that day, my dad, my in-laws, my sister in law, brother in law and my best friend came down to see how it was going and I am sure in hopes of seeing a baby.  Pretty much it was a no go, I continued to have some pretty strong contractions but nothing regular and by that point I was getting really tired.  Around 10 o'clock we sent everyone home and said that they should all get some rest and maybe there would be more luck the next day.  Oh and when my water was broken we were told that I had 24 hours to get close to delivery or I would have to be transfered to the labor and delivery unit because after 24 hours the baby is at risk of infection and then they would have to speed my labor up with drugs aka pitocin. 

Around 11 o'clock the nurse came in and told me that they wanted me to take benadryl so that I could get some sleep, I said I didnt want it but they gave it to me anyway and off to bed we went.  Well, didnt sleep much but what did happen was that my contractions completely STOPPED!!!!  Now I was getting anxious because if they didnt start back up before the morning, I was going to be transferred and my vision of this all natural experience was going to go down the drain completely.  Day 3 of no sleep.

Morning came but the contractions did not and I was told that I only had a few hours to get things going so they gave me castor oil, nasty, an enima, even nastier, but it all failed.  The mid-wife came in and informed me that it was time to head down.  Insert Sad Face here

I was sad to move down to the labor and delivery but at the same time I was kind of excited because I was thinking that at least I would be 1 step closer to, maybe even hours from, holding little Eli.  Off we went and in went the pitocin.  Needless to say the contractions got much worse and I lasted on the pitocin without pain medication from about 1:30 till about 9 at night.  It was long and it was hard but in a way it seems like it flew by.  I begged on more than one occasion to Jeremiah to have them give me an epidural but being the excellent coach and husband that he is, he told me very calmly "sally that isn't in your birth plan".  Another side note:  I had given Jeremiah very specific instructions that at no point was he to give into my pleas, that I would be very upset if he let me get an epidural and he did a good job at sticking to that plan.

The contractions that came with the pitocin were hard and long but I knew from the way my body was feeling, that they were going NO WHERE!  Finally after being completely exhausted from 3 days of constant on and off contractions with no sleep, I broke down crying and Jeremiahs arms and said PLEASE PLEASE can we get the epidural and he said, "if that's what you want".  The funny thing is, I never needed his permission, if I wanted an epidural I could have had one, all I had to do was tell the nurse.  In my mind I apparently needed permission but it wasn't from him that I needed it, it was from me.  I had plan and idea in my head that I couldn't let go of and it wasn't until i could convince Jeremiah to say yes that I let myself say yes...does that make sense.  Its like every time he told me no, I new that I could keep going, that my body had a little more strength to stick it out.  It wasn't till I was crying from pain and mostly exhaustion that I knew it was enough and it was time to rest.  Mean while, I have to mention that Jeremiah was amazing...3 straight days of contractions and with each one, he was there to rub and put intense pressure by pushing on my back to help ease the pain.  He told me the day after the baby was born that he was physically sore from pushing on my back.

to be continued...

I totally forgot we have pictures that I could be sharing.

this was on Thursday afternoon while we were still in the birthing center on the 4th floor of UCSD hospital.

this was me on Friday in the Labor and Delivery unit in between contractions.

Birth Story, part 1

Warning: LONG

So the adventure of getting little Eli to arrive was more than your average birth, he was a stubborn one and much like his mama he wanted to do things on his own terms but much like his daddy he apparently decided that he would stay in longer because why ruin a good thing.

It all started in the early hours of Tuesday September 21st...I woke up early in the morning around 3 AM to use the restroom and lost my mucus plug, I got really excited (well overly excited for such a rather gross occurrence) because I thought "finally! Something is happening!".  So of course I had to wake Jeremiah up and tell him the good news, to which he grumbled something like "okay" and fell back asleep.  Throughout that night/early morning I had a few of my 1st contractions but nothing significant but I do remember being so very excited to finally be having contractions.  I know I must sound crazy but being that this was my 1st baby, contractions for me were exciting because it meant I was finally getting closer to meeting my little one.  As Tuesday went on I had very irregular contractions until the evening but they were still to far apart so Jeremiah and I went to Wal-Mart to walk around from 11Pm till about mid-night because that was the only place we could think of that was open.  We walked and walked and walked till I practically memorized everything on our path but still they were to far apart so we went home.  That lasted until around 2 AM on Wednesday morning when I finally was having contractions 4-5 minutes apart on a regular basis for about 1 hour.  Again, I got all excited and called the hospital and they told me to wait another hour or so until they got to be about 3-4 minutes apart and then come in.  Well I waited another hour, all the while tracking them on my handy contraction recorder on my phone, and when the got to about 3-4 minutes apart I said "come on Miah, it's time!!!".  To be honest I think I have been waiting my whole life to say that :).  He jumped out of bed, literally, and we grabbed our stuff and headed out.  Well when we got to the hospital we had to wait about 45 minutes for them to check us in because the maternity ward was packed.  Meanwhile I was having very regular and stronger contractions in the waiting room until finally we were called in to be examined...

What happened next, NOTHING!  As soon as I got a bed and was being examined by the nurses, my contractions STOPPED!!!  Cold turkey, completely stopped!  The mid-wife came in and checked my cervix and said that I was barely dialated to a 2 (I had been barely a 1 4 days before at my last check-up, so I realized this was slow moving).  I was very disappointed and the nurses and a mid-wife came in to tell me that I could either stay and walk the halls till they started back up again or I could go home because it was just false labor.  We decided it was best to go home and hoped we would be back later, so home we went.  Day 1 of no sleep.  Well, Wednesday passed with more contractions but again, nothing regular but still pretty painful.  I spent the majority of the day lounging around trying anything to get them to start back up on a regular basis.  Wednesday night came and all of a sudden they started back up again but stalled out at 6 minutes apart, but I was up all night having contractions and getting very tired.  I decided that in the morning I would go in and have my membranes stripped and be checked again.  That was Day 2 of no sleep.

So Thursday morning rolled around and I called in to UCSD hospital once again to tell them that I was now tired from having contractions for almost 2 days straight and no sleep so could I come in and get my membranes stripped to help speed up the process.  They said, sure come in around 11 AM.  My mom came to pick me up and off we went to UCSD again (Jeremiah needed to go to work and catch up on somethings and thought that I would be right back).  In order to stall for time, my mom and I went to have breakfast and again I was having regular contractions at 6 minutes apart.  Finally 10:30 rolled around so we headed off to the hospital.  We arrived to the birthing center on the 4th floor at UCSD hospital and again my contractions slowed down, apparently my body was not liking the hospital.  While waiting for things to get started, my mom asked why it was that they no longer broke water intentionally and the mid-wife gave my mom a big speech about how it increases the risk of infection and its not good for the baby and they no longer condone the procedure.  So then we got started, 1st she checked me, I was now at a 3!.  Whoo hoo, I was progressing!  Then she  started to strip my membranes, well as she was doing that, I felt a huge gush of warm water and then she said "oh crap! I just broke your water, well guess you are going to be admitted now".  It was rather comical because she had just given that speech to my mom about how it was a "bad" thing.


To be continued...

Catch up

So before I share all the wonderful details of our beautiful baby Boy, I thought I would catch up on what happened before our little man was born.

1.  My wonderful hubby Jeremiah turned 31.  We celebrated by spending time with family and having a nice dinner at my parents house with his family and favorite foods.  I dont have any pictures from the day but here is a picture of my 31 year old hubby jumping while I test out the features on our new Canon Rebel DSLR...

 

Please ignore the "power tower" in our bedroom that has become a clothes hanger for Jeremiah, he promises that it will be gone soon but of course is still sitting there.

2.  We/I got a new Canon Rebel DSLR T2i as my 30th/our baby present.  We are having so much fun playing with all the settings and learning how to use it together.  We have taken some really great shots with it so far and are really very happy with it.  Here is a picture of Maddy that we took with our macro lens.

3.  I turned the BIG 3-0!!!  Well technically my twin sister and I did but she was out of the country (in Germany and Spain) for the big event and I was 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant and very uncomfortable.  Again, we didn't do anything big, just dinner and cupcakes at my parents house.
Here is picture of how big and pregnant I was that day.

And that is all that happened from August 31st till the start of Eli's arrival.  Just 27ish hours after this picture was taken all the "fun" events started that led to Eli's big birthday.  Hope to share soon!

:)

Maternity Photos

We got some teasers from the lovely Melissa McClure of the maternity photos we took earlier this week.  Here are a few favorites...

It is always so amazing to work with Melissa on weddings and when I see her work I am always in awe, but to see your self in the beautiful photos is so much fun and simply amazing.  Thanks Melissa for capturing such a special and wonderful time in our lives.

:)

19 week belly photo

Here is the 19 week photo I promised. I cut off my head because I wasn't looking to cute that day since it was around mid-night when the photo was taken.

So here is the official documentation of my growing belly at 19 weeks.

Anxiety

Warning:  LONG blabbing post with lots of run on sentences :)

I have been having some major anxiety lately and I hope that by writing it all out this post will serve as a kind of therapy.  I am not sure where the root of the anxiety comes from (well I guess besides being pregnant) but it has begun to go beyond just regular anxiousness.  I see my belly and I get anxious, someone mentions my pregnancy and I get anxious, I think of all the weddings I have between now and August and I get anxious.  I can't put my finger on one thing in particular that gets me feeling this way.  It makes me wonder if I am weird, is there something wrong with me?  I am so incredibly excited to be a mommy to this little boy growing inside of me but at the same time something has me all freaked out.  I know for sure that it is not the actual taking care of a baby idea, I feel pretty prepared for that with 13 nieces and nephews and 3 cousins I cared for when I was younger, that doesn't make me scared or anxious at all, it is something else lingering in my mind. 

I almost want to say it is either the attention of the pregnancy or the idea that something could go wrong or maybe that I am really no longer a child (haven't been for a long time but still the idea of being "grown up" is kinda freaky).  Looking at all 3 freaks me out I think.  First with the attention thing, I am not sure why but people noticing I am pregnant kind of weirds me out and I can't figure it out, then that freaks me out cause I am weirded out and think there is something wrong with me.  Maybe because it is such a new experience to be on this side of the pregnancy, the "you're growing a baby" thing, do I make any sense at all?

Then of course there is the what if something goes wrong anxiety.  What if the umbilical cord gets wrapped around his neck, what if my body just decides to have another miscarriage, what if I have to come home from the hospital without this precious baby I have been growing?  I have seen first hand from my own dear sister-in-law that kind of pain and that freaks me out too.  I was there for her then but I didn't really understand it, well not didn't understand, I couldn't understand.  Now it is all so close to my heart (not that it wasn't then, I too mourned the loss of a nephew but I wasn't a mother then and couldn't grasp that feeling of motherly loss) and it makes me feel like something is pushing on my chest and my heart starts beating fast and I am scared.  Even though I haven't met this little guy yet I already love him so much and the idea of not getting to be his mommy scares the heck out of me and makes me sad. 

Then there is the grown up thing, or maybe its a mortality thing, not sure.  I couldn't go to sleep last night because I was thinking about dying and how sad I'll be when my parents or my grand parents die or how Jeremiah and I are so young now but someday we will be at the end of your lives looking at death and while my faith in God and heaven comfort me, I still am scared and sad to leave my children or to live without my mom and dad or a brother or a sister or JEREMIAH.  How sad to be so close to someone and then one day they are gone, an idea I have fortunately not had to experience yet but that scares me.  This doesn't seem like it relates to pregnancy but in a way it does.  I am going to give birth to a little boy and raise him and teach him and then one day it will all be over.  When you are busy living your life you never stop to think that someday it will all be over and again while my faith in God comforts me, it doesn't change the fact that we will eventually die and it will all be over.  Am I being a total downer?  I just wanted to express and record these feelings.

So in regards to growing up, I really think that this is the first life event that puts mortality in perspective.  I mean, yes I am married and live in my own home and take care of a household and a husband but Jeremiah and I both still go to our parents house and besides the fact that we don't live there anymore, nothing has really changed since we got married.  Now, when I think about going over there with a baby, a child of my own, it makes me feel like I will be all grown up bringing my child to my parents house like my parents used to take me to my grandparents house.  It just seems so grown up and again there is that heavy chest feeling and faster beating heart.  It kind of makes me yearn for my child hood in a way, maybe because it was a simpler time and there wasn't really anything to screw up.  Now we will be raising a child and we will do the best that we can to make him the best he can be but all really have is hope that things will turn out right.  I don't want to go back to being a child because I really do love my life but it just all seems so much simpler.

Anyway, like I said there are a lot of things freaking me out but I just needed to get some down on "paper" so that I look back and laugh that I was so freaked out.  I am not going into some downward spiral of depression, don't worry, I just get a little freaked out these days.  Understandable?  Did anyone else deal with this while pregnant?  I am a pretty positive person so I usually just brush it aside and move on with my thoughts but I really did want to record these feelings. 

Honest Thoughts would be wonderful :)